Sorting Through the Pile
by SMichelleS
Summary: After Harry tells her about the Horcruxes, Ginny wonders if she and Ron have something in common.


Sorting Through the Pile

"Are you leaving again?"

"Hmm?" Ron asked, looking up at Ginny who'd just come into his room. He'd been separating his good tee-shirts and jumpers from the ones that were either beyond repair or he'd clearly grown out of. The strains of "Any Witch Way But That" by the rock band Disarming Charm were currently blaring from a Wireless which had been commandeered from the Burrow's kitchen. "What are you talking about?"

"I've known you for nearly seventeen years. I've never once seen you clean your room before," she pointed out.

Ron shrugged and resumed his work. "I'm not cleaning, I'm just…doing a bit of organizing. Figured I'd give Mum a break."

"That or Hermione's rubbing off on you in more ways than one," she responded, smirking.

"Oh shut it, you." The song had ended and Celestina Warbecks's familiar crooning came over the Wireless. Ron shot a disgusted look towards it and pointed his wand to shut it off.

"I'm just saying--"

"It's something to do," he said. "All right?" Ginny stared at him and then nodded. They'd all been dealing with the loss of Fred in their own ways. Ron apparently thought acting exactly the opposite of his usual self was a surefire cure. She sat on his bed and watched him for a few moments while he inspected a hole in one particularly beloved Cannons tee-shirt before she softly asked, "What did the locket do to you?"

The hole in the shirt became a giant rip as Ron yanked on it in shock. It fell to the bed as his head snapped up, and he gaped at Ginny, horrified.

"Harry _told_ you?"

"If he'd told me I wouldn't need to ask you, would I?" she reasoned.

Ron narrowed his eyes at her. "He obviously told you something!"

Ginny held up a placating hand. "Relax, Ron. He told me about the Horcruxes, that's all."

Ron sat down on Harry's camp bed facing Ginny. Crossing his arms, he asked "What did he tell you?"

"He told me that they held pieces of Voldemort's soul, that there were seven of them, that he was one of them, and that Tom's diary was another."

"Ok."

"I asked him whether any of them had done to him what the diary had done to me. He said that the locket caused some trouble, but that you didn't really have the cup or the diadem long enough for them to affect you."

"Ok," Ron said again.

"Well, I pressed him about the locket. He got sort of evasive and then said that it didn't matter. That you'd destroyed it."

Ron continued to stare at her.

"Harry was being really honest with me. Finally telling me everything. He would have told me if it had done something to him."

"It could have been Hermione."

"Yeah," she conceded, "it could have, but you were my first guess so I figured I'd throw it at you first and see if it stuck. And, well, your reaction..."

Ron rolled his eyes and finally looked away from her. "So you weren't even sure anything had happened?"

"I am now." Ginny paused. "What did it do to you, Ron?"

"Nothing. Just forget about it."

"Sorry, but no."

Ron glared at her. "Excuse me?"

"Don't be stupid, Ron. Remember Harry? When he didn't want to talk about Voldemort possessing him? Don't pretend there isn't someone right here who's been through it too!"

Ron got up from the bed and started sorting clothing again. "It didn't possess me, Ginny. It didn't do what Riddle did to you."

Ginny leaned forward. "He didn't only possess me Ron."

Ron swallowed, still turned away from her. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear about what that damn thing had done to her but he couldn't help but ask. "What else did he do?"

"He said things to me. Made me think things…things I already wondered about but didn't really want to believe."

He turned to face her again, leaning against a chest of drawers. "Why would he do that? I thought he wanted you to trust him."

"That was the thing. He wanted me to trust him, and only him. To…to love him, and only him."

Ron felt revolted. He didn't think he could stand to hear any more but he was also horribly fascinated by what she was saying.

"What," he swallowed again, "what kinds of things did he say?"

Ginny looked at him steadily. "He said that Harry would never like me, not in that way. That he'd only ever see me as his friend's annoying little sister. That you didn't care about me or need me anymore now that you had Harry and Hermione. That my brothers all saw me as a stupid little pest, and that they had no use for a sister, and that's why they teased me all the time and didn't let me play Quidditch with them."

"Ginny-" Ron tried to interrupt, but Ginny was looking away now and seemed absorbed in her own memories. She had her feet up on the bed and her arms were wrapped around her shins. "The worst though, was when he got strong enough to actually come out of the diary and talk to me face to face. He didn't care anymore, at that point, about getting me to do his bidding. He just told me what a pathetic, boring little crybaby I was and how it was my fault that Harry was going to die, and-"

"Stop!" Ginny looked startled. Ron couldn't take any more; he'd been growing more and more horrified with every word. He suddenly wished Voldemort had created another Horcrux just so he could have the satisfaction of stabbing the hell out of it. "Sorry, I just…what that bastard did to you…and I was right there and I didn't, I couldn't-"

"You couldn't have known, Ron." Her expression was pleading, begging him not to blame himself. "It wasn't your fault. That's not why I'm telling you all this."

"Why _are_ you telling me? Now, after all this time? You refused to tell me anything after it happened."

She shrugged. "Because I didn't think you'd understand then. It wasn't what I needed from you."

"Did you really think all that stuff?"

"Sort of. I mean…it was like those were my deepest, darkest fears and he just played on them. Made them worse. Made them real. He convinced me that something I only thought in my bitterest moments was true." She stopped and stared at him with that same steady gaze. "Is that what he did to you?"

Ron met her gaze this time. "It doesn't even compare."

"What did it do to you, Ron?"

Ron turned away and faced the small window of his room, looking out at the garden. He couldn't bear to look at her while he said this; he hadn't thought he'd ever say this to anyone. "It didn't _say_ anything to me at first. It was like you said. It took all the bad feelings I already had and made them worse. It was like it was whispering in my ear, but not really because it was my own voice inside my head. It made me think the worst of Harry, and Hermione, and of me. Did Harry tell you I left them?

"You- what?"

"I left them," he said grimly. "Just up and Disapparated after a fight. I abandoned them. Betrayed them. After I'd promised to back Harry up, no matter what…" He laughed bitterly. "You still sure you care about what happened to me?" He didn't think he could look away from the window if he tried, so frightened was he of seeing the look of disgust on her face now that she realized what he really was. If he was lucky she'd hex him and have done with it.

She sounded shaken, but calm. "Where did you go? How'd you get back to them?"

"I wanted to get back to them as soon as I'd left and gotten away from the locket, but I was caught by Snatchers-" he heard Ginny gasp, but he continued- "and it took me a while to get away from them. I ended up staying at Bill's place until Dumbledore's Deluminator somehow led me back to Harry. I found him just before he jumped into the pool."

"Harry made it out like he wandered off one night and found the sword. He said he stupidly jumped into the pool with the locket on and you had followed him, and you jumped in and saved his life and then destroyed the Horcrux. He said you were really brave."

Ron shook his head. "Yeah, well, Harry's a really good friend. Anyway, Harry opened it so we could destroy it, and that's when it started talking to me."

"What did it say?" she practically whispered.

"You know. The same type of stuff-- stuff I already knew but didn't want to." He spoke slowly, not rushing his words. "That I was worthless and stupid and would always be second best and…and least-loved-- by Mum because she was just trying for a girl, and by Hermione because she'd always choose Harry over me. Eventually it did come out of the locket, but it didn't look like Tom Riddle. It was Harry and Hermione and they told me that they were better off without me, happier without me, that they laughed at me, that I was nothing, and that Mum admitted she preferred Harry to me and would gladly trade me for him…they said that they loved each other and how stupid I was to think that anyone could prefer me... and then they kissed."

"And then?"

"And then I destroyed it."

He finally turned to look at her and was horrified to see silent tears streaking down her face.

"Oh shit, Ginny, see this is why I didn't want to tell you. It's no big deal. It's over and done. Why'd you have to bring it all up?"

She was shaking and wiping her cheeks with the heel of her hand. Her words came out like hiccups. "How- could –you –think -those things?"

He gave a small shrug. "How could you believe what it told you?"

"But I didn't really! I mean, I knew it wasn't true. Not _really. _That's why I tried to fight him, why I tried to confide in you. And you came to save me, you and Harry, so how could it be true? But you really believe those things, don't you? About Mum and all that?"

"Maybe I did. But I don't anymore." She looked at him skeptically and he went to sit down on his bed next to her, one leg up so that he was facing her side. "Did you miss the part where I heroically stabbed the thing with a great big sword?" She looked at him and he made a stabbing motion with his hands. He was pleased when she gave a watery laugh. He smiled back at her and waited for her to get her breathing back to normal. Thinking about the sword reminded him of something else.

"Ginny? How badly were you punished for trying to steal that sword?"

Ginny's eyes widened in surprise. "I- not…not too bad. Snape sent us into the Forbidden Forrest with Hagrid, which was a bit scary at night but nothing-"

"Were you ever punished for anything else?" Ron interrupted. "Did they ever hurt you?"

Ginny's eyes were still wide as she slowly shook her head. Ron closed his eyes and dropped his head but he could feel Ginny's gaze boring into him.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

How did Ron explain this? Explain what it felt like all those weeks, not knowing what was happening to his family, or if they were even still alive? Hearing that goblin talk so casually about how Ginny had been "punished cruelly" when he should have been there at Hogwarts with her, protecting her, rather than leaving her to face the Carrows alone; the constant fear that the Death Eaters would find out he was with Harry and go after his family and the voice in his head (himself? The locket? He still didn't know) telling him that it would be his fault because he'd abandoned them to go on this pointless mission with Harry?

Ron said nothing.

Ginny seemed to know what he was thinking. "Your place was with Harry, Ron. We all knew it. Even Mum, though she'd never admit it," she said. "All that time you were gone, I was so worried about you. We talked about it at Auntie Muriel's all the time, me and George and Fr-Fred-"

Ron held up a hand as a jolt of anguish shot through him. "Don't. Please. I don't…I don't need to hear this." He rested his back against the wall and they sat there silently for a while, both of them lost in their own thoughts.

After several minutes he sighed heavily and said, "I hate what that thing did to you, but it, it does feel good to know that someone understands. Really gets it."

She nodded. "Yeah."

He picked up the ruined Cannons shirt. "Think this one's a lost cause, now."

She grabbed it from him and examined it. "The rip isn't the problem-- that can be mended easily by magic; the problem is that it's about five years too small on you already. It'd probably only just fit me."

"If you can fix it, you can keep it."

"I can't mend it until I turn 17 next month. Anyway, it clashes horribly with my hair." She held it up against herself. "Although, if it really is that snug, I doubt Harry will mind the color of it…"

Ron clapped his hands over his ears. "Urgh! Evil woman! Get out!"

"Nah," she said, jumping off the bed and rummaging through the pile of clothing. "I think I'll help you go through these clothes. You need someone with actual taste to help you sort it all out."

"True. Let me go get Charlie, then."

She swatted him with an old maroon jumper. "Prat. Turn the Wireless back on."

Ron waved his wand and the latest song by the Weird Sisters began humming through the Wireless. As they began sorting through the messy pile, Ron and Ginny hummed along.


End file.
